


My Faith is Shaken but I Still Believe

by anidear



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Alien magic to be specific, Angst, Bruce trying to be a good dad, But I take liberties, But let's be real he's just not really, But you asked for Jason to address Dick's trauma so here you go, Dick's trauma is valid, It's surprisingly heavy on the angst, Jason Todd is a detective, M/M, Magic, Mentions Dick's time with Spyral and all that drama from before, Past Abuse, Past Barbara Gordon/Dick Grayson, Past Dick Grayson/Koriand'r, Past Rape/Non-con, Somewhat researched medical condition, past Dick Grayson/Catalina Flores - Freeform, playing fast and loose with canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:40:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27535417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anidear/pseuds/anidear
Summary: Who knew it would take Dick losing his vision for Jason to really see?
Relationships: Cassandra Cain & Dick Grayson, Dick Grayson & Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson & Damian Wayne, Dick Grayson & Donna Troy, Dick Grayson/Jason Todd, Jason Todd & Donna Troy, Koriand'r & Jason Todd, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson
Comments: 23
Kudos: 325
Collections: Dick Grayson Fic Exchange 2020





	My Faith is Shaken but I Still Believe

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lostandlonelybirds (RUNNFROMTHEAK)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RUNNFROMTHEAK/gifts).



> Part of the DG Exchange and I'm so sorry about the somewhat abrupt ending? I mean, sort of sorry. It didn't feel genuine when I tried to continue. So here we are. 
> 
> Maybe there will be a second part. Maybe not. Only the gods can know for certain. And maybe Jason cause he might force the issue.
> 
> Hope I did your prompt justice. I do love some Jason/Dick angst and resolved trauma. Or confronted trauma in this case.

It started with gray spots in his vision. He had seen them in the past when his blood pressure had been low due to a lack of food intake, but these seemed different. And worse, these didn’t vanish once his pressure was back up.

After a few days of the spots, his vision went back to normal and Dick wrote it off as a weird instance and nothing to worry about.

Stress, his mind had supplied, and he had accepted. He had too much to handle as it was. He didn’t have time to worry about something as mundane as his eyesight going bad. 

So, he pushed on. 

He worked with the family in Gotham when he was needed, and he managed Bludhaven just as he always did. He gave his input when asked and he solved the cases that cropped up in his city. And he never said anything about his vision. Because it hadn’t impeded his work at all. And that was all that really mattered in his current situation. If he could still fly, then he could still fight.

“Dude, you okay?” Jason called from his spot next to Tim as the two of them went over some maps for a case they were working together. Dick stopped in mid-motion of rubbing at his eye and sent a questioning look at Jason, who was staring right at him. He watched Jason wave his hand in the general direction of his face. “You’ve been rubbing your eye for like five minutes.”

Tim looked up from the maps and frowned as he looked at Dick.

“Nah, I’m good. Just tired so my eyes are a little hazy.” It wasn’t exactly a lie. Dick had gotten less sleep than usual the night before and his vision was hazy. But the two probably weren’t related. Not if the last two days of hazy vision had anything to say.

No, Dick was pretty sure something was going on. He also knew he didn’t have time for something to be wrong, so he ignored it again and went about his business with the grapple gun he was inspecting so he could take it back to the ‘Haven with him since his own had jammed the night before. Thankfully, that had happened before he had even gone out for the night.

Glancing back over at Jason and Tim, he found Tim looking back down at the maps but Jason was still watching him. But not watching him at the same time. It was the faraway look the younger man got when trying to solve a problem. A trait that had carried over from before the grave.

“Grayson!” Damian’s call pulled Dick’s focus from Jason to the young Robin as he entered the cave and made his way down. “I have asked Father if I could join you tonight in your cesspool of a city and he agreed.”

Smiling, Dick nodded. “I’d love to patrol with you, Dami.” He always loved having his little brother by his side. Having given up his Robin had been hard and whenever he got the chance to have that partnership back, Dick jumped at it. “Maybe we can convince Bruce to do without you for the weekend?” The smile that Damian gave him in response was enough to push the vision issues to the far back of his mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Nightwing is down! I need assistance!” Dick could hear Damian panicking as he called out for help through the family comm unit, but he couldn’t focus enough to reassure him. He wasn’t even completely sure what had happened. One minute they had been in the middle of a fight with some common street thugs and the next he was on the ground clutching his side. “Batman and Hood are enroute on Batwing, they’ll be here soon. Just hang on, Nightwing. Just… _please_ , just hang on.”

The desperate tone made it clear the situation was bad. Damian wasn’t the type to panic and he certainly wasn’t the type to beg. But he was begging Dick to hang on in that moment and that meant something serious had happened. 

But what?

His vision had darkened significantly, and he figured he had probably hit his head in the fall, but what had happened to his side.

“Robin…” he choked out, trying to ask what was wrong, but a coughing fit cut him off. He couldn’t see the way Damian’s skin paled or the bright red splatters against his lips as he coughed up what felt like his lung.

“Please hang on Richard, please,” Damian whispered with a voice that could only be strained from tears. Which meant things were bad. Worse than Dick assumed just from the panic.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The room was quiet when Dick’s mind surfaced from the fog and though he had yet to open his eyes, he knew he was alone. But he didn’t know what would greet him when he finally did open his eyes. Would he be in the hospital? Leslie’s clinic? Or maybe the cave? The steady beeping told him he was hooked up the various machines, so he ruled out his bedroom in his apartment and the manor. Which meant a medical facility of some sort.

Carefully, he pried his eyelids open and tried to let his eyes adjust to the bright lights. But it hurt. And not in a normal ‘I have been sleeping for a while’ sort of way. No, the light shot pain right through his temple and he had to clench his eyes shut again when it got to be too much.

“Dick,” a soft voice sounded from where he assumed the door was located.

“Lights,” he groaned, voice raspy from lack of use and giving him another hint at how long he had been out.

There was a soft click before footsteps came closer. “I’m sorry, I should have thought of that before. I know the lights are going to be an issue.” He knew Leslie’s voice, so that meant he was either at her clinic or in the cave’s med bay. “Can you try and open your eyes again?”

He wanted to tell her no, that he didn’t want to deal with that pain again, but instead he took a deep breath to steel himself and tried again. The room was dark for the most part, a soft blue glow coming from the monitors of the machines he was hooked up to and a glow from the window in the door, but it was still an adjustment.

“That’s it. I know it probably hurts, but it’ll pass with the room this dark.”

“Wha…wro…” He tried to question, but his voice was still protesting due to a dry throat. He watched Leslie through squinted eyes as she moved over to the bedside table and grabbed a cup with a straw already in it. He took a few sips of the cool liquid and felt a bit of relief on his throat. His voice still sounded rough though, when he finally got his question out. “What’s wrong with me?”

He watched Leslie sigh and set the cup back down before she took a seat in the chair next to him. “How long have you been having vision issues, Dick?” The blank look he gave her only caused her to sigh again. “This is just between you and me. I haven’t told Bruce or any of the others yet.”

“A few months,” he admitted quietly, his voice still a bit raspy. She wrote something down in the file she had with her before closing it again and looking at him expectantly. He knew this song and dance. “It started with dark spots that went away after a couple of days. Then things got fuzzy here and there.”

“And the night you were out with Damian?”

“Still only hazy. Like I hadn’t gotten enough sleep.” The silence stretched between them and Dick started to worry that he had made the wrong call by putting the issue off. “Is Damian okay?”

“What? Oh, yes. He’s fine. Worried about you, but Bruce dragged him out of here last night to get some sleep at home.” At least whatever had happened hadn’t caused his brother to be injured. “One of the men you and Damian were fighting had a knife and stuck it between two of your ribs, through your right lung. We can’t tell if he was just lucky to get it between your Kevlar plates or if he had planned this.”

Damn.

That explained the fuzzy memories of Damian panicking on him and calling the others for help.

“Bruce and Jason flew you here once they picked you up from the alley in Bludhaven. It was close and took about ten hours of surgery for me to repair the damage, but you should make a full recovery from that.”

“From that?” There was the silence again. And the too serious frown he had seen before on Leslie when she had to relay less than pleasant news. Like when Tim had to have his kidney removed. “Leslie, just tell me. What is it?”

The older woman sighed and opened the file in her lap. “I’m not a hundred percent sure, but I think you have something called Stargardt disease.” He waited for her to continue but when she just watched him closely, he figured she was expecting him to question her. When all he did was raise his eyebrows, she shifted through the file before pulling out what looked like some sort of checklist. “When I was looking at your pupil reactions, I noticed they were off. While, not abnormal for a head injury, it was abnormal with Damian adamant that you had not hit your head.”

Dick looked from Leslie’s face to the paper in her hand, but he found he couldn’t read the words written there. His vision had always been impeccable. He had never scored anything other than 20/20 on his tests in the past. But he knew, deep down, that he wouldn’t have done that well if he had gotten his vision tested back when he had first gotten the dark spots.

“Since I was more concerned about the knife wound, I focused on that and came back to the potential head injury after. That’s when I noticed the yellow flecks in your retina when I preformed some tests after we were sure you would survive.” Dick nodded, taking in what she said but not really understanding what any of it meant for his situation. “A call to an ophthalmologist friend at Gotham General and he told me it sounded like classic Stargardt. He gave me a few other tests to run through, but you will need to go to an actual vision specialist for a diagnosis.”

“So, what does this mean for my vision? Surgery? Rest?” Dick could do that. He could follow the doctor’s orders if it meant his vision went back to normal.

“Dick,” Leslie sounded weird. She looked weird, too. She looked like she did when she relayed bad news to a patient. Like…

“Please don’t.”

He watched her drop her gaze back to the file as she placed everything back inside neatly and closed it carefully. “You won’t be getting better, Dick. There is no cure for this disease. You will lose most, possibly all, of your vision.” 

“I see,” he whispered. His gaze flicked to his lap and shifted back and forth rapidly as he processed the information. “Have you told Bruce there was something else going on?” He asked as the thought hit him.

“No, I wanted to be sure you knew first. And to ask what steps you wanted to take so I could advocate for you. We both know how he can be.” And that was a relief. He still had time to make decisions for himself before Bruce had the rest of his life planned out for him.

Swallowing past the lump that was forming in his throat, Dick looked back to the woman he had known almost as long as he had known Bruce and Alfred. Someone he trusted with his very life. “Can we call Jason first?” Leslie looked surprised but nodded and pulled her cell phone out of her pocket. 

“I’ll have him come in as soon as possible. But I’m not certain when Bruce and Damian will be returning.” Dick nodded his understanding but remained quiet as she dialed Jason and held the phone up to her ear as it rang. Dick could hear the faint ring and wondered if her volume was up loud or if his hearing was already compensating for the loss of vision. 

_“Hey, Doc,”_ Jason’s bass tone came through and Dick snapped back to attention.

“Hello Jason. I’m in with Dick and he is asking if you could come down to the clinic as soon as you’re able. I gave him some news and he would like you here when we break it to Bruce.” There was a moment of silence and he knew Jason was probably trying to figure out what kind of news he could have been given that he would want Jason as his back up, but Dick knew there was no way the other man would figure it out.

_“I’ll be there in twenty.”_

Leslie thanked him before hanging up and looking back to Dick, who was watching her still. He gave her a nod of thanks before glancing at the machines he was still attached to. “How long before I can go home?” 

“I want to keep you for at least another 24 hours to be sure there are no complications. After that, I can release you to someone who can look after you. You are to be on strict bedrest for three weeks, Dick. There was a lot of damage to repair. I have no desire to open you back up and fix any damage you cause by getting back on your feet too soon,” she gave him ‘the look’ while she spoke. The one he and the others knew all too well because she knew them all too well.

“I’ll be good,” he promised, and she watched him for a moment before nodding.

“I’m going to go make some rounds and then I’ll come back once Jason is here. I’ll tell the front desk to send him back but to hold Bruce and the others if they show up.” He thanked her before she stood and headed for the door. “I know it seems bad now, Dick. But you Bats never fail to amaze me when it comes to medical wonders.”

Yeah.

But something told him that J’onn’s magical Martian healing dust wasn’t going to fix his vision for him. This wasn’t an injury. This was his body doing this to him. It was like cancer. There was no miracle cure for that. He doubted there would be one for this.

And he had no idea what he would do if that was the truth. Who was he if he wasn’t Nightwing? It wasn’t like he could learn echolocation or fight blind. Being able to see was a pretty big part of it all. He knew Braile, but that wasn’t going to help him out on the field. It wasn’t going to compensate for not being able to watch out for another’s back.

He wouldn’t be able to fight side by side with Damian. He would have to say goodbye to his Robin for good. He wasn’t going to be worth anything anymore.

Rubbing his eyes, Dick swallowed hard in an attempt to push back the tears that were building up. This wasn’t the time to spiral into that pit of darkness. He couldn’t focus on all of that until after he broke the news to the others.

Maybe they would think of something he hadn’t.

Maybe they would have hope.

“Well you look like shit,” a gruff voice broke through his thoughts and pulled his attention to the door. Jason stood there, leaning against the frame with his arms crossed over his chest. “Of course, it’s so fucking dark in here I could be wrong.”

“No, don’t!” Dick called out when Jason reached for the light switch. He watched the younger man freeze and even though it was dark and his eyes were still hazy, Dick could see the frown forming. “Sorry, just…just leave the lights.”

Jason didn’t say anything, but he dropped his arms and made his way over to the chair Leslie had been in earlier. “What’s going on, Dickhead? I was already filled in on your condition after Doc Thompkins patched you up.”

Dick dropped his gaze and closed his eyes, breathing carefully to keep himself under control.

“Dickie?” His name was said carefully, almost gently. There was worry woven in, something Dick had come to recognize more and more as the two of them got closer.

“I’m losing my eyesight.”

The silence was heavy. So heavy that it almost hurt to have it between them. But Dick couldn’t bring himself to look at Jason and see the pity in his eyes that he was sure was there. He didn’t want to be seen as something broken. But that’s what he was, wasn’t it?

Jason cleared his throat before speaking up. “I’m going to guess that because you wanted me here when you told Bruce, there’s no fix?” Dick kept his gaze down and shook his head. He could hear the sharp intake of breath and Dick quickly closed his eyes against the onslaught of tears that had been a constant threat since Leslie had left him on his own. “Dick?”

“It’s natural, there’s no cure, and there’s not going to be a magical fix for this one.” But Bruce would insist on trying every avenue before giving up and even then, who knew? The man was stubborn when it came to the condition and health of his family. And Dick would never be the exception to that rule. If anything, he was the one Bruce forced it on the most.

“So…what now?”

Dick shrugged, “I don’t want to go back to the manor, but Bruce is going to insist. I’m on bedrest for three weeks.” Jason grunted and Dick finally looked up, finding a look Dick didn’t know how to decipher on his face. “I just want you in my corner.”

“What if I don’t want to be in your corner?” Furrowing his brows, Dick stared at Jason. “What if I want to side with Bruce on this one? For fuck’s sake, Dickhead! We have too many resources at our fingertips to just give up like you’re doing! I refuse to accept that you’re just going to go blind and that there’s no hope. I won’t.”

And Dick figured he probably should have seen this coming. He should have known that Jason wouldn’t let something go without a fight. But he hadn’t even considered it when he thought to tell Jason before he told Bruce.

“But,” Jason’s voice pulled him out of his head and Dick raised an eyebrow, “I will fight for you to go home and not to the manor. I can stay with you for the time being and help you out.”

“Thank you,” Dick breathed out. He really didn’t want to go to the manor with everyone hovering over him while he healed and dealt with this new way of life.

“I’m not going to stop Bruce from trying to find a cure. And I’m not going to stop searching either. That’s the deal. Take it or leave it.” It might not have been the perfect solution that Dick wanted, but he supposed he could let them try and find a solution, if not for him then at least for their own state of mind.

So, Dick nodded and held a hand up somewhat weakly, “Deal,” he agreed. Jason eyed him and gently took Dick’s hand in his own and gave it a shake before setting it back down onto the bed. But what surprised Dick was the fact that Jason left his hand covering Dick’s for a moment.

“We’re Wayne’s, Dickhead. We don’t give up. And when one of us looks like we might, the rest will always be there to make sure it doesn’t happen.” And all Dick could do was nod while he swallowed past the lump in his throat, doing his best not to give into those damn tears. 

“Richard!” Was all the warning the pair got before the room was flooded with light and Dick’s hands were flying up to cover his eyes from the sudden brightness.

“Turn the fucking lights off, Brat,” Jason growled, his chair making a noise as he stood too quickly and rushed to shut the lights off again. Once the room was cast back into the dull darkness he and Jason had been sitting in, Jason carefully pulled Dick’s hands from his face. “It’s okay, Dickie. They’re off. Demon Brat and B won’t turn them back on, _right_?” 

Dick could hear Bruce’s grunt of agreement and a “TT” from Damian as he blinked his eyes open again. Slowly everything came back into as focus as it could now. A slight haze still sat over his vision and sadly, he was already used to it. He could see the pair standing just behind Jason, wearing almost matching expressions of concern and confusion. 

“We should get Leslie in here,” Dick said, not wanting to be faced with all their questions when he had plenty of his own. Bruce watched him for a moment longer before giving a nod and turning to find the doctor. “Dames,” Dick reached out a hand for his youngest brother, drawing him closer. Damian circled to the opposite side of Jason, who took his seat again, and took Dick’s hand in both of his. “Are you okay?”

“You were the one knifed through one of your lungs and you are asking if I am all right?” Dick hummed, watching Damian’s concern melt into annoyance. “I am unharmed, physically.” And Dick smiled at the admission that emotionally he was not faring quite as well. It was a long way from the child who had shown up all those years ago with the idea of being the ‘blood son’ and how it made him far superior to them all. The kid had been just as emotionally repressed as his father and Dick had worked hard to fix that. 

“Good.” Despite Leslie having told him Damian was okay, he felt better hearing it from his brother. He felt himself relax a bit more despite the difficult talk that was about to happen.

“Hey Dick?” Jason’s voice drew him back out of his head. “Should we have the others on the phone? Or do you want to do this in a meeting later?” Dick glanced at Damian, who was watching them with narrowed eyes, before locking eyes with Jason. He didn’t know. He didn’t know if he wanted to do this a second (third?) time. He didn’t even want to do it now, but he knew there was no way out of this.

“Thomas and Cain are in the cave. I believe Drake is with the Titans. We should be able to easily reach them.” Jason gave Dick a ‘well?’ look at Damian’s information and Dick sighed heavily, nodding.

“See if we can get them online.” Both Jason and Damian pulled out their phones and without needing to confirm, Damian called the Cave and Jason called Tim. Both lines were ringing when Leslie walked back in, Bruce on her heels. “They’re getting Duke, Cass, and Tim on the phone.” Bruce gave a grunt of approval as he moved past Leslie and came to stand near the head of the bed. “I’m okay, B. I’ll be down for a few weeks though.”

Bruce put a hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “I’m just glad that you’re okay. We…it didn’t look good when Jason and I got there. Damian did the best he could, but we didn’t know if it would be enough.” Dick nodded and glanced at his brother again as he spoke into the phone telling Duke and Cass the basics and that he was going to put them on speaker.

“Jason it’s too early for you to be calling,” Tim’s voice crackled in over the line. 

Jason snorted. “Look we’ve got the whole family here with Doc Thompkins. She’s got something to share about Dickhead and once she’s done you can go back to sleep. But we didn’t want to hear you bitch about being left out.”

“I thought he was going to be okay?”

“I am.”

“He is. This is a different matter from the wound I treated,” Leslie broke in and Dick was thankful. He just wanted to get this over with. “I need everyone to be quiet while I explain the situation and then if there are any questions, I’ll answer what I can.” There were nods from the people in the room and verbal agreements from those on the phone lines. Once received, Leslie opened the file she had once again brought into the room and handed a paper directly to Bruce.

Dick didn’t need to see it to know it was the facts of the disease written out.

“Dick, I suspect as does an ophthalmology colleague of mine, has something called Stargardt Disease.” There was a sharp intake of breath over Jason’s phone and a faint sound of keyboard clicking from Damian’s. Dick could see the confusion on Damian’s face and feel the tension building in Bruce as Leslie explained what exactly was happening to his sight. And though he wished he could gather the courage to look at him, Dick couldn’t bear to see what emotion he decided was best to show. So instead, he kept his eyes on his little brother as he took in all the information.

He watched the green eyes change from confusion to understanding and then to something darker, something more determined. It didn’t matter that Leslie was saying medicine could not fix it and that Dick would lose most, if not all, of his vision. It didn’t matter that she was saying there was nothing anyone could do for him. Dick knew what the look on his brother’s face meant.

But he didn’t know what the look exchanged between Jason and him meant. It was a brief moment, just a flicker but it was enough for him to catch it.

“How long do we have?” Bruce’s voice broke his focus on Damian and Dick looked up at his father figure before looking to Leslie.

The woman shrugged and set the folder down on the foot of his bed. “From a few weeks to a few months. But he needs to have an eye doctor check him to know a more accurate assessment of time.”

“You’ll come to the Manor then.” Bruce’s tone was final, but Dick scowled.

“No,” Jason cut in. His words were firm and confident, and Dick could see the anger they sparked in Bruce. “Dick and I already talked about this. He is on bedrest for three weeks. He just needs someone to be with him to help out. I’ll move into his place for the time being. Until we can find the cure,” Jason sent Dick a look, daring him to argue, “I’ll stay with him.”

“That’s ridiculous. Richard would be much better cared for with the assistance of the rest of the family,” Damian spoke up. Dick looked over at the kid and sighed at the almost hurt look on his face. “Richard, surely you see the logic in coming home with Father and me.”

“Dames,” Dick started, but was cut off.

“Damian, let him make up his own mind,” Duke’s voice spoke up. “Who knows how long the cure is going to take us to find and who knows how quickly his sight will go. He can still see, treat him like it.” Bruce let out a grunt and Dick almost didn’t want to look at him for fear that he wouldn’t budge on this and it would end in a fight.

“Everyone may have a point. I will relinquish this,” the older man said, “for now.” Dick held Bruce’s gaze for a moment before nodding, agreeing to the silent terms. He could have this control until he could no longer see. Which Dick knew could be anywhere from a few weeks to a few months.

“Okay, now that it’s settled I’ll inform the others on the line that Dick’s injury should heal nicely and after the three weeks required bedrest, I will see him back for an evaluation on when he can get back to physical exertion,” Leslie spoke up, her tone no-nonsense and commanding. Dick had always thought she could rival Bruce if she wanted to. “I am keeping him overnight and then Jason is free to take him home tomorrow. Most likely sometime after lunch.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next few weeks passed in a bit of a haze; no pun intended. Dick spent his time in his bed with at least one family member in the room with him or wandering somewhere around the apartment. No matter what, there was always someone who he could call out to if he needed help. Which was surprisingly a lot. For the first week, simply sitting up in bed required assistance. The entire three weeks had required him asking for help to get to the bathroom. Showering had gotten easier about a week and a half in, but the first couple of days were ones he and Jason would probably never talk about.

Or at least Dick wouldn’t because he couldn’t even think about them without a blush rising up his chest and settling in his cheeks. 

But once the end of week three had come and go and he was allowed to do things on his own, he still found himself leaning on the others more and more. And that was solely because his vision was going a lot more quickly than he had hoped it would. He had been praying to whatever god or gods were out there that he might get lucky and only lose some of his vision. 

That didn’t seem like it was going to be the case, though.

The longer he went, the worse it got. And he knew the family was starting to notice his falling moods. They all had their ways of attempting to cheer him up. Even Damian had been making an obvious effort and while Dick loved that, loved that each of them were so invested, he knew this was pointless.

He knew that he was in a downward spiral and there wasn’t much any of them could do to pull him out. He recognized the signs just as he had recognized them the last time. And the more he saw them the more he wondered if he should find a way to just vanish.

Because with each passing _“Drink this vial”_ and _“Let this man do his incantation”_ and _“Rub this ointment over your eyes”_ he just felt hope slipping further and further away. Just like his vision.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jason was shocked to find the apartment trashed when he returned from patrol for the night. He had known Dick was deep in his head when he had left, but he had never seen a side of Dick that would do something quite this drastic. Lamps thrown against walls, the flat screen tv lying shattered on the ground, and even the couch overturned.

If it weren’t insensitive, Jason would be impressed that someone who could barely see could do this much damage. But he knew how much everything was finally hitting the older man. He knew that even though he put a smile on his face when Duke and Tim had dropped by earlier in the day, Dick was crumbling.

Hell, Cass had known it from the first time she had seen him after the diagnosis.

_“Brother is not okay. We need to be there when he falls.”_

And Jason didn’t want to admit that he had been hoping she was wrong, but obviously she wasn’t. And he wasn’t surprised. No one was better at reading people then Cass. No one.

“Dick?” His voice was a bit more hesitant than he had wanted it to be, but it at least wasn’t shaking the way his hands were. He was almost afraid of the state he was going to find Dick in. Not to mention the state of the rest of the rooms. Thankfully, the door to the spare room that Jason had taken over was closed and that probably meant that Dick had spared his things from the hurricane of emotions.

A sweep of the main living areas didn’t reveal the older man, so Jason moved into the hallway. He bypassed his room, looked into the room Dick had split between an office and a home gym with little luck aside the fact that everything was still intact, and then moved down to the master bedroom. 

The door was slightly ajar and the lights were off, so Jason pushed the door open further and flicked the switch. The storm that had broken out in the living room had obviously come to its crescendo here. The dresser had been upturned, mirror shattered, glass scattered all over the room. Clothing was strewn everywhere and the picture frames that had been decorating the top were in various pieces as though they had been thrown against the walls as hard as he could manage. And Jason would put a lot of money on the fact that Dick had probably done just that.

_“I’m never going to get to see their faces ever again. What’s the point in keeping them?”_

He had felt cold when Dick had said those words. The man who found beauty in every piece of the world around him would never be able to see that beauty ever again.

Not that Jason had given up on the search for a cure.

No, Jason would never give up. Even if he had to shove Dick into the Lazarus Pit himself. Though, Damian had already approached him on the matter and he and Jason had hatched a last resort plan together. 

But they weren’t there yet. There were still options to explore and avenues friends and family were walking in order to fix this. But to someone who could do nothing but sit at home and wait? Dick was probably losing what little hope Jason and the others had filled him with when the news of his condition had come about.

The apartment was proof of that lack of hope.

This _room_ was proof.

“Dickie?” This time his voice was more assured, almost desperate to find the other man. But it wasn’t easy traversing the slashed mattress, torn bedding, and broken bed frame. Jason knew Alfred would be disappointed at the state of things, having helped Dick shop for each item in his home. But then again, it was Alfred and if anyone had endless empathy for them it was him.

Stepping over a toppled bedside table, Jason ducked his head into Dick’s closet and frowned at the mess but lack of Dick. The bathroom revealed nothing more than another disaster and a bloody mess of a mirror where apparently Dick had decided to throw his fist into it. 

Grabbing the first aid kit from under the sink, Jason maneuvered his way out of the bedroom and headed back down the hall to the one room he hadn’t looked in. And the small spot of blood on the handle told him all he needed to know.

He opened the door slowly, afraid of what he was about to see, but nothing would have prepared him for the sight of Dick in the far corner of the room, huddled on the floor with his face buried in his knees and hands in his hair. Jason could see the blood still sluggishly seeping from Dick’s right hand and the slight tremors in his entire body. Tremors that spoke of tears and an overflow of emotion.

“Dick?” This time his voice was gentle, soft. But Dick didn’t respond. He didn’t flinch, look up, or move in any way, shape, or form. So, Jason moved further into the room and noticed that besides the smears of blood on the wall and the drips on the hardwood, nothing was touched.

“It’s gone,” Dick’s voice stopped Jason in his tracks. Not just the words but the dead tone they were said in. That wasn’t the hopeless sound he had been hearing recently. No, this was completely void of hope. This was resigned. And that meant only one thing.

Dropping the kit onto the bed with his helmet and mask, Jason pulled out his phone and sent off a text to Bruce before letting his phone join the stuff on the bed. Carefully and with measured steps, Jason moved so he could kneel in front of the other man who still hadn’t made any kind of movement. 

Remembering the drastic display of emotion in the other rooms, Jason wondered if Dick had noticed it happening or if he had just exploded once it had.

“We can still-“

“No. We. Can’t,” Dick snapped, finally lifting his head to glare at Jason. Or as best as he could because even though Jason was right in front of him, Dick couldn’t see him, so his eyes were just a shade too far to the right. “I told you nothing could be done. I told all of you! And yet you all promised you could fix it. And I _so stupidly_ believed you. I believed you all and now I’m sitting here in the dark not even able to fix my own hand because I CAN’T SEE A FUCKING THING!”

And Jason had no clue what to say to that because it wasn’t like Dick was wrong. Each one of them, except maybe Cass or Steph, had promised him they would make it right. They would find the solution to make it better. None of them wanted to believe that Dick Grayson, the absolute best of all of them, would go out like this. None of them wanted to accept that after all he had done for all of them, they couldn’t fix this one thing for him.

Ashamedly, Jason was glad Dick couldn’t see the tears burning in his eyes. He was glad the older man couldn’t see the weakness because even though he still hoped they could find a solution, that the Pit was still an option, he still felt like dirt for not having done so yet.

He _had_ promised. Dick was right.

“Let’s get your hand cleaned and bandaged, yeah?” Jason said instead of trying to fight Dick on this. He would let the man have his emotions right now. He deserved them. He was the one in the dark. He was the one who was physically bearing the weight of the problem. The rest of them could go about their normal lives if they wanted. Meanwhile, Dick’s entire world had changed. Everything had been upturned and he was the one who had to adjust.

“Yeah, okay,” Dick’s strangled reply came as he pulled his hands out of his hair and leaned back against the wall, letting his eyes fall shit. Jason wondered if that was just out of habit or a way of protecting his pain.

Pushing to his feet, Jason grabbed the kit and glance at his phone where Bruce’s response was lighting up the screen.

_I’m sending Alfred. Will be offline for a few days. Possible cure if successful._

He paused in mid-reach, considering replying but then aborted the movement and went back to sit in front of Dick so he could tend to the broken skin. He spoke as he worked, telling Dick what he was doing so he would know even though he couldn’t see.

“Dick, you need a cast.” The wrist of the hand was most definitely sprained, but at least three bones in his hand were fractured from the look of the swelling and the hisses of pain Jason got when feeling around. “Look, I sent a message to B and told him what happened, and he wants to send Alfred. How about we go to the manor instead? We need to take an x-ray and get this casted.”

Dick didn’t say anything, but he nodded his acquiesce to the idea and let his shoulders droop in defeat.

“Not like I expected this to stay quiet.” And just like that Dick was back to the emotionless acceptance of his fate. But Jason didn’t know how to handle that. He didn’t want to tell him what else Bruce had said. He didn’t want to see the hope fade away again if it didn’t work, like so many of the other attempts.

“I’ll grab our go bags and call Alfred to let him know,” Jason told him as he bandaged up the cuts and wrapped the hand as best he could with what little was in the kit. Closing it and tossing it back on the bed, he stood and quickly stripped out of his armor and gear, placing it in the safe hidden in the wall before changing into civilian clothes and tossing his go bag onto the bed. Looking Dick over, he figured the hoodie and sweats he had on currently would do. So, he grabbed a pair of Nikes that had made it through the destruction and the bag tucked away in Dick’s closet. 

_“Master Jason, Master Bruce just informed me of the situation, and I am walking out the door now,”_ Alfred’s voice cut a tone of no nonsense as soon as he picked up Jason’s call.

“Don’t come. We’re coming to you. Dick needs an x-ray on his hand and from what I can tell, a cast.” There was a questioning noise, but since he had reentered his bedroom where Dick was now sitting on the bed, Jason opted not to explain. “We’ll be leaving here in less than five.”

_“Very well. I will inform the others and prepare the rooms. Cave or front door?”_

“Front.”

_“For the best. We shall see you both soon. Safe driving.”_

“Bye Alf.” He cut the call and slipped the phone into his pocket before dropping the shoes in Dick’s lap. “Is your phone in the kitchen?” Dick shook his head as he slowly fumbled with the shoes Jason had brought him. The younger man watched as he figured out which was which and carefully slipped them on. 

Ducking his head as he tied his shoes, Dick sighed. “Need a new one. One of the first things I destroyed,” he muttered, and Jason should have figured.

“We’ll worry about that tomorrow.” Not like he wasn’t going to need a new phone now anyway. The old one wasn’t made for someone who couldn’t see.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He couldn’t be sure how long he had been asleep on the couch in the entertainment room when he finally emerged from the dreamless haze, but it had been long enough for Die Hard to be over and the sounds of an episode of Planet Earth to be playing. And from the _scratch scratch_ of charcoal on paper, Damian was the one who had put it on. The pain pills he had taken for his only sprained hand earlier had done their job of allowing him a bit of peace.

“How are you feeling, Richard?” Damian’s voice was quiet, uncertain. And Dick hated it. He hated that his brother, his Robin, was worried to the point where he felt he had to be careful around him.

But Dick supposed that was his own fault. He knew there was no way to know for sure, but he had a feeling both Tim and Damian had seen or been told what he had done to his apartment. He had heard Jason whispering with Tim in the hallway and Damian had probably questioned them both after Dick had finally passed out around 6am. And if they knew then Duke and Cass were not far behind if they hadn’t already been informed. Barbara, Steph, and Harper would be wild cards, honestly. Though Barbara probably had cameras in his place that she activated once the news about his sight had circulated. 

“I’ve been better,” he decided to answer honestly. They had all told him they hated when he tried to spare them from his feelings in the past, so why not try honesty now? “How long have you been here, Baby Bat?”

Damian hummed and the sound of his drawing at least told Dick he wasn’t fully focused on Dick. “A little over an hour. According to Pennyworth, you have been sleeping for approximately three hours.” Well that answered that. “Dinner will be ready shortly, if you wanted to join? Todd and Thomas are out but Drake and Cain are present.”

Food sounded good, but outside of a sandwich and some tea, Dick had yet to test out his ability to eat fully blind. A voice in his head told him he was being an idiot and that it was just like eating with sight, but another part of him whispered about how everything was different now.

“Where is Bruce?”

“Father is off world for a few days. The Alien Princess took him to her planet.” Dick frowned. Why would Kori take Bruce to Tamaran? He opened his mouth to ask if Damian knew why but was cut off by the sound of his name.

“Dick! Good, you’re awake! I’ve got something for you,” Tim’s voice sounded excited and it was enough to pull up the corner of his mouth slightly as Dick sat up slowly to sit upright on the couch. “Jay mentioned you needed a new phone and while I didn’t think it would be ready, I did manage to finish something I had been working on for you.”

The couch shifted slightly, and Dick assumed that Tim had taken a seat next to him, so he waited for his brother to continue. He could hear the pause in Damian’s actions and wondered if he was watching.

It was with practiced ease that Dick didn’t jerk away when his hand was grabbed and a cool object was placed in his hand. Holding onto it, Dick carefully mapped it out in his head with his hands. He had been working on feeling instead of seeing since he had gotten the diagnosis and was pretty good at it now. The phone was smooth with the exception of his name in Braille on what he assumed was the back. 

“I did that so you would know it was yours,” Tim explained, and Dick assumed he was watching Dick run his finger over the bumps. “That’s the home button,” he said as Dick felt the square button near the bottom of what he assumed was the front. “It’s completely voice activated, but I added that as a beacon. You just have to hold it down for five seconds and it’ll send a help alert to the entire family with your location.”

“That will be helpful,” Dick muttered, even if he didn’t like the idea of needing to use it. 

“The entire phone lit up when you spoke, Richard.” Dick lifted his head in acknowledgement, but said nothing and waited for more from Tim.

The younger man’s hand was back, guiding his touch to the top where there was a button. “Volume,” he explained. “Although you can simply say volume increase and it will go up in increments of 10%. Everything else in done by your voice. Unless the battery dies. Then you use this,” more guidance, “button to turn it back on once it has a charge. But the battery life is about 72 hours. The new Wayne Tech is top notch.” 

Feeling around, Dick looked for the place to hook up the charger but found nothing. “Wireless charge?”

“Yup,” Tim confirmed. “I already set one pad up in your room where you usually charge your phone. I gave Jason a backup, just in case.” Dick hummed as Tim continued to talk about the new battery power that the family company had come up with and how they were beta testing it and finding ways to make it cheaper for the general public. It faded into a bit of background noise as he heard some shuffling in the direction of the door.

Turning his head slightly, Dick tried to see if he could figure out who it was by the way they walked but outside of the slight scuff, he didn’t hear anything more. Then he remembered Damian had mentioned Cass being home.

“Hey Sis,” he called out softly. Tim immediately stopped talking and the sound of Damian’s drawing paused as well.

Cass laughed lightly as Dick felt her drop down next to him. “Perceptive still,” she spoke, leaning into his side just a bit. Dick held back the bitter comment about how he couldn’t be perceptive without his sight, but he couldn’t stop the frown. “Don’t need eyes to _perceive_.” He clenched his jaw but nodded. She wasn’t wrong, technically. There was more than eyesight to knowing your surroundings, but it was a big part.

“Is there anything else I need to know about the phone, Timmy?”

“What? Oh, no. Voice command calls, music, and internet search. It’s a basic model right now.” Dick nodded and clenched his hand around the item. 

“I think I’ll go shower before Alfred has dinner ready,” he pushed to his feet carefully. He didn’t jump when he felt a hand grip his elbow. From the placement, he knew it was Cass. He knew she would want to help him back to his room, but he didn’t know if he could handle her seeing him when he couldn’t see her back. It felt more invasive than the others. “Timmy, can you give me a hand? You can show me where you put the charger.”

The younger man agreed, and soon enough Dick had a hand on his shoulder, following him through the halls and up the stairs. Tim was easy to distract from Dick’s emotional state but Cass and even Damian were not. Tim was a genius, but if Dick got him going on a topic he was passionate about then a lot passed his attention. 

That’s exactly what Dick needed right then.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Come on, Dickhead. Talk to me,” Jason begged, sitting on the edge of the bed Dick had hardly left since they had come to the manor. If he wasn’t sleeping here, then he was sleeping in the family room and Jason could spot the signs of depression when he saw them. Had seen them too many times in his own actions to not recognize them in Dick’s.

The lack of appetite, the mood swings, the exhaustion, all of it. Dick was depressed. And no one blamed him. Losing something so vital to who you were as a person was a lot.

But Jason also knew that if Dick continued to bottle everything up, something was bound to break.

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Dick’s voice was quiet, tired. His eyes stared toward the window, unseeing and dull. It made Jason’s chest tighten and his heart ache. It was like everything that had ever made Dick _Dick_ had been stolen from him. And in its place was this lifeless doll.

“It’s not about what I want you to say, it’s what you _need_ to say.”

There was no response and Jason wondered if he should just get up and leave the other man alone. It had only been a handful of days since his vision had completely gone out and Dick deserved the chance to grieve that fact. Jason knew it would take a lot longer for him to get used to his situation.

But, selfishly, he missed Dick. He missed the carelessly given smiles. The affection he always held in his words and touch. He missed the songbird’s laughter. He missed him more than he was ready to really address.

“What’s going through your head right now?” He tried again. Maybe a direct question would get an answer.

Dick’s eyebrows pinched slightly, and Jason took that as a win. At least he was considering the question. “Do you believe in fate?” Not exactly the answer he had been looking for, but it was something.

“Not really. We choose our own destinies and all that shit, right? So, if we have the right to choose, then fate can’t really be a thing.”

“What about karma?”

“She’s a bitch and I hope she forgets. Or at least forgives because I’ve done some pretty bad shit over my years and I don’t want that backlash.” Dick hummed and blinked, eyes still lifelessly staring toward the window. “Dick?”

There was more silence before Dick’s sightless eyes moved toward where Jason sat. “I can’t stop thinking what the point of it all was if this is how I end up. Am I being punished? Is fate playing some kind of twisted game? Or is karma just taking her vengeance?”

“What could you have done to piss off karma? Dick, you are the best of us.” The snort Dick gave was the most humorless laugh Jason had ever heard from the other man.

“Kori would tell you differently,” he whispered, and Jason frowned. What did Kori have to do with this? “Babs would too. Hell, Bruce would probably be able to point you toward some karma worthy moments. He was always good at reminding me of my short comings.”

“Bullshit.”

“Excuse me?” Dick narrowed his eyes and with each moment Jason was beginning to realize how actions like that were so engrained in their responses that you didn’t have to be able to see to still keep them up.

“You are the Golden Son. You are the standard Bruce held all of us to. Like hell he would say anything other than you were the best of us. Are the best of us.” Jason shook his head and watched Dick’s face. “And Kori and Babs think the world of you. I know both those relationships ended for not great reasons but if anyone is good at staying friends with his ex’s, it’s Dick fucking Grayson.”

“You obviously don’t know what those reasons were.”

That caught Jason off guard, mostly because he didn’t actually know what the reasons were for either break up. The one with Kori had happened back when Dick was hardly present in Gotham and the one with Barbara had taken place when Red Hood was still public enemy numero uno to the family. Jason knew there was a lot of shit happening to Dick during the time of that particular break-up, but Jason had never taken the time to figure out exactly what. It had always seemed like whatever it was, Dick moved on from. 

“Why don’t you tell me?”

And maybe it was wishful thinking that Dick would finally open up to someone. That he would let one of them carry his burdens the way he always carried theirs. How many times had Dick borne the brunt of Jason being caught in the Pit Madness? How many hits did he take when he was training Damian as Robin and trying to vanquish the League’s influence? How many times had Tim taken his insecurities and anger out on Dick? Even Bruce had been known to use Dick as an emotional outlet. But did Dick ever do that with them?

Maybe with the Demon Brat. Jason knew that relationship was different than the ones he had with the rest of them. Not that he could blame them. Dick had stepped in as Damian’s parent when Bruce had gone missing, presumed dead. Though maybe because of that, Dick didn’t lean on the teen.

A sharp knock on the door, pulled them out of the silence that had descended on them again.

“Yeah?” Dick called out, sighing and closing his eyes as if he couldn’t bear the thought of dealing with another person. 

But when the door opened to reveal Bruce and what Jason knew was the outline of Kori behind him, Jason stood to his feet. He hadn’t told Dick of the possible cure just in case it hadn’t panned out. But if Kori was here, he had to wonder if this was it.

“Dick, Jason,” Bruce greeted as he moved into the room and Dick immediately straightened up at the sound of his voice. It made Jason inexplicably sad to see. Always trying to be the good soldier. But instead of dwelling on that, Jason shifted his eyes from Dick over to Bruce and Kori. Kori, who was watching Dick with tears in her eyes.

“Hello, Dick,” she said softly, but it was enough to jar the man.

“Kori,” he yelped, sitting up away from the headboard. “What are you doing here?”

Jason exchanged a look with Bruce before he moved away from the bed and leaned against the desk, allowing the older man to move to the place he had previously been sitting. “I brought her here because she had a solution to your situation.” Jason remained silent as Dick scowled, even though he too wanted to protest that term. “I think this will be the one that works Dick.”

“You said that every time,” Dick scoffed, leaning back into the pillows. He radiated annoyance, but Jason could see the slight edge of hope. Even after all the failures, he still couldn’t help but hope. “No offense, Kor. I just… _fuck, Bruce_ , we’ve tried how many different things now? And here I am, still blind.”

“ _I know_. I know we’ve failed to help you. But I don’t think we will this time.”

“And if it does?”

“Then we keep trying,” Jason finally spoke up, drawing three sets of eyes (one unseeing) in his direction. Bruce looked thankful, Kori curious, and Dick just looked angry.

“No. No more.” His voice was low, controlled. But all three of them knew he meant it. “If this fails then you all have to accept that this is the new Dick Grayson. You have to move on and just leave me be.”

Bruce shifted, “I won’t accept giving up, Dick. You know me better than that.”

“Then I’m leaving. I’m packing my bags and I’m going to vanish. Because I can’t do it anymore Bruce. I can’t keep getting my hopes up, just to crash harder _each and every_ time it fails.” Jason could feel the pain in his words and his jaw tightened automatically at the thought of losing Dick just because Bruce was too stubborn to accept his wishes on the matter. “It’s my body Bruce. Mine. For once in my life, let me make the choice of how it’s used.”

Even though he saw Kori flinch out of the corner of his eye, Jason’s focus was on Dick and the words he had just said. What the hell did he mean? Was this part of what he had been talking about in regards to his break ups and whatever dirt he thought Bruce had on him?

Flicking turquoise eyes over to Bruce, he found the older man staring at his oldest child with a look that he couldn’t quite name. The emotion there wasn’t pain and it wasn’t sadness, but it was something. Something important. And from the look on Kori’s face, it was an emotion that she shared. 

And Jason just felt lost.

“Okay, Dick. You’re right. I’ll back off.” Wait. A. Goddamn. Minute.

Bruce was giving up. Bruce “I’ll never back down” Wayne was allowing his oldest child to give up on getting his vision back if this attempt failed. Jason was starting to feel like he was in some alternate universe and was about to say so when Bruce cut a look at him that told him to keep quiet.

The sigh from Dick was soft and defeated. Like he knew Bruce was lying and just saying what he wanted Dick to hear. And that made much more sense. 

“The solution we have is quite simple, Dick,” Kori stepped forward and moved to sit on the edge of the bed near Dick’s hip. Dick turned his head to “look” at her when he felt the bed dip and Jason moved over to stand by Bruce. “One of our healers on Tamaran looked over the information Bruce brought him and he created a tonic. Drink this,” she pressed a vial in his hand and Jason saw the faint green glow to it that reminded him of Kori’s eyes. “And it will put you to sleep. When you wake, you should have your sight back. Not completely, it will take some time to come all the way back. But you should be able to see outlines and shades.”

Dick held onto the vial and raised his hand as if to inspect it. “And what does Batman think about this?”

“I have complete faith.”

And Jason knew to Dick that would be a resounding endorsement. To the son who was faithful to a fault, to all of them honestly, it would be enough to trust what was being given to him. Jason used to hate Dick for that ability. To trust and love them all so _blindly_. Now he worried for him because of it. After all, it was that love and trust that had landed him in Spyral and so many other moments where his wellbeing was put behind the mission or others. 

“Side effects?” Jason finally spoke up, knowing Dick wouldn’t ask and would just do as he was asked. His eyes were on Bruce, but it was Kori who answered.

“Nausea and dry mouth are the top two. Some dizziness as well, but you will sleep through all of those.” When Jason was satisfied with the expression on Bruce’s face, he looked back over to Dick. He found the man looking in his direction and waited to see if he was going to say what was on his mind.

“Okay,” he said softly, instead of saying whatever it was that was causing the pinched look on his face. “Can someone open this for me so I don’t spill it everywhere and waste this chance?” Jason frowned at the attempted joke but stepped forward before anyone else could and carefully took the vial from Dick’s hand. “Thanks, Jay,” he whispered, and Jason shouldn’t have been surprised that he could tell who it was based on the hand alone. But he was, a little.

“I would not take the risk with you if I did not believe this would work, Dick.” Kori’s words were soft and sad, making Jason look over at her as he twisted the cap off the vial before he looked back to Dick.

“I know you wouldn’t, Kor. I know.”

There was that sadness in Dick’s face and tone again and Jason hated it. And he would get to the bottom of it.

Taking Dick’s hand in his free one, Jason pressed the vial into his palm. “Here you go, Big Bird.” Dick closed his fingers around the vial, but Jason kept his hands on Dick’s for a moment. And for a moment, Dick’s eyes connected with his own. And though Jason knew Dick couldn’t actually see him, he tried to project his support through his face anyway.

“Bottoms up, I guess.” Dick cheers-ed them with the vial before downing the liquid with a grimace. “Urgh, thanks for not warning me. No way would I have been willing if I’d have known how foul that was.”

Kori’s laughter was lyrical. “Yes, well, the best tonics are the most foul.” And the tension in the room cracked the instant Bruce chuckled in agreement. A sound only Dick could really pull out of him. “I must return to Jump City, but do call me when you wake up, Dick. And come visit us when you are back on your feet.”

“I will,” he confirmed. “Thanks, Kor.”

Jason knew this was his opportunity to talk to Kori about whatever Dick had been talking about earlier and if he didn’t do it now, he wasn’t sure when he would get the chance. So he exchanged a look with Bruce that said the older man was going to stay with Dick until he drifted off and Jason could leave.

“I’m going to walk Kori out, but I’ll stick around the manor tonight.” Dick smiled at the unspoken _I’ll be here when you wake up_ and Jason stood from the bed. “Yell if you need me.” And when Dick lifted his hand from the bed, Jason grabbed it and gave it a slight squeeze.

Without a backward glance, Jason followed Kori out of the room and down the hallway for a bit before either of them said anything. It was a companionable silence that the two of them knew well enough from their time working together. A time Jason often missed, but knew their parting of ways was the best thing for all three of them. Even if the friendships persisted to this day.

It was Kori who paused in their walk and turned to him. “I assume there is something you wanted to say? Or ask? You have that crease between your eyes you often get while pondering something.”

“I do, but I’m not sure what it is I’m asking.” Kori raised a brow and waited for him to continue, but Jason wasn’t entirely sure how to do that. “Dick mentioned something to me earlier and I wanted to ask you about it. He didn’t give me much to go off, or anything to go off of really. But he mentioned that your relationship may not have ended on the best of terms.”

A cloud passed over the beautiful features of the alien princess and Jason narrowed his eyes. So, it was bad.

“Though we reconciled from the breakup that he is referring to, he is correct that it was on very poor terms. Ones that were explained to me later because it was not something I understood, coming from Tamaran.” She glanced around and Jason figured she was looking for somewhere more private. So he led her down to the library that no one other than himself or Damian used. And since the demon brat was out on patrol with Tim, there was no chance of him being there. 

Closing the door behind them with a soft click, Jason followed her to one of the couches and dropped down next to her, turning to face her completely.

“There was a shapeshifter who came from the future, looking to change it. She could take the form of just about anyone and was fairly convincing when she did so,” Kori started, looking out to side. “I had left, and she took advantage of it. She took my form and approached Dick, enticing him into our bed.” Jason knew immediately that he didn’t want to know where this was going. He didn’t want to hear what would come next. Because he saved people from this situation frequently. He saw so much of it growing up in Crime Alley and the idea of Dick having to suffer the same made his blood run cold. “No one knew until Mirage, Miriam, revealed it. Dick had no idea that it wasn’t me.”

“And he was blamed for it.”

“He was,” she confirmed softly, and Jason swore as he stood from the couch. “I did not understand, Jason. On my planet, men simply do not get violated in that manner. And the team was…they were not kind about it.” Jason could only imagine. He had heard the things that had come out of Roy’s mouth alone about Dick. Most people thought he was…loose. “I approached him after Donna and I had a conversation about it and I apologized to him. But I do not believe he even thinks of it as rape. He spent too much time being told he was unfaithful. I, too, thought that was the case. I was wrong.”

Jason could see that. He could see Dick thinking he had been the one in the wrong. Especially if people had commented about how he should have known it wasn’t Kori. It made his blood boil, but he knew Dick well enough to know exactly how he would spin that in his head. 

“Jason,” Kori’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts, drawing his eyes back to the woman still seated on the couch. “I do not believe that incident is a singular event. A few months ago, Donna mentioned another time with another woman. She did not go into detail and I’m not certain she realized she said anything to begin with, but she mentioned a woman by the name of Catalina.”

“Flores?” Jason knew of her. He knew she was in prison for killing Blockbuster despite Dick attempting to take the blame for it, but that was about all he knew.

“I believe so. She and Dick had a partnership of sorts for a while after he and Barbara split.” That gave him a good idea of the exact timeline he was looking at. It also meant he would need to have a talk with Babs or maybe Donna. “I can see your brain working and while I think Dick’s secrets are often the cause of his interpersonal issues, perhaps this is not one of those strings you should pull?”

“Maybe not, but maybe this is a piece of fabric that needs to come apart.” Kori just hummed and Jason held out a hand to help her up from the couch. “I gotta know, Kor. I can’t not at this point.”

“Because you are in love with him.” It wasn’t a question. It was a stated fact, like she was the authority on Jason Todd and knew him better than even he knew himself.

But she wasn’t wrong, and he knew that.

Clearing his throat, Jason looked away from her. “That’s not the driving force here. He just…He’s Dick, you know?” And when he glanced back to his former teammate, he found her nodding with a sad smile. “Someone has to take care of him. He’s a fucking failure at doing it himself.”

“That he is, my friend. That he is,” she agreed, leading him back out of the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sitting on the edge of his bed in the manor, Jason looked down at the contact he had pulled up in his phone. Last he had checked, Dick had been sleeping peacefully and the brats were taking turns sitting with him. So it gave Jason the opportunity to follow up on a couple of leads regarding his theories about the sleeping man. 

Donna Troy was probably the only person who knew Dick inside and out. Beyond Roy and Wally. More than any of the exes. Donna was without a doubt, the former Boy Wonder’s closest confidant. And that’s why Jason knew she would have the information he was seeking.

But did he have the courage to ask her for it? Would she even be willing to break Dick’s confidence like that? With him?

He had to try.

So, he hit call on the number and held the phone to his ear as it rang.

 _“This is a surprise,”_ the familiar voice came through without a proper greeting.

“Did Diana teach you those manners?” Her laugh was tinkling and melodic and it made Jason smile.

_“What can I do for you, Jason Todd? Is Dick okay? He…he has been distant when we speak. I have been worried about him.”_

It was good to know he hadn’t been the only one to notice how un-Dick like the man had become. “He’s asleep. Kori just left after giving him a possible remedy from Tamaran.” Donna hummed on the other line and Jason appreciated her not commenting. But he also knew her well enough to know she was skeptical about all the tries at healing Dick. She was a realist. “But I wanted to ask you about something he said, something Kori told me about.”

“And what is that?”

“Mirage.” There was no response from Donna for long enough that Jason wondered if he had lost her until he could hear a cabinet being shut in the background. “Donna?”

“If you spoke to Koriand’r then you got the whole story.”

“Yeah, except she also mentioned Catalina Flores but didn’t know what had happened there,” Jason let himself fall backwards onto the bed, bouncing slightly as he hit the mattress. “She seemed to think it was a similar situation to what had happened with Mirage.”

Donna hummed but remained quiet, so Jason let her have a moment. He knew how she was. He knew she was not one to act without thinking. It was a few minutes before she finally spoke. “It was not the same as Mirage, but the act was similar.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that he was raped both times, but he was deceived the first time and the second time, he was taken advantage of.” Jason closed his eyes and took a deep breath before releasing it slowly. “Does he know you are asking about this?”

“No. He mentioned something in a conversation between us earlier about karma and being punished. How Kori and Babs could tell me more than enough about what had really happened between them and why he felt the way he did,” Jason explained. There was silence on the other end. “Donna?”

“Sorry. It just always catches me off guard how self-deprecating that man can be,” Donna laughed, though it was humorless and bitter sounding. Jason had never heard anything like that from her before. “I can tell you what I know about Tarantula but I’m not sure how much of it is tainted with his poor self-view and how much is not. He told me under duress during a very dark moment in his life.”

Jason frowned a sat up at that. “How dark?”

“He called me one night from the edge of the crater that was once Bludhaven at the time.” Jason sucked in a breath and clenched the phone tightly. “I don’t know if he would have jumped if I hadn’t answered him, but I do know he had been thinking about it. It wasn’t long after Chemo had happened. I was not even on planet when we spoke, and I was prepared to call Roy or Wally on another line if I thought for a moment he was going to give into the urge.”

He was going to be sick. Either that or he was going to punch a hole in the wall. How had this happened under all of their noses and none of them knew? Or at least he assumed no one else knew. He couldn’t imagine Dick letting the younger members of the family know this part of him. Whether or not Bruce knew was a toss-up, honestly. The man could be so perceptive, but he could also be so blind (pun not intended) when it came to the kids he took under his wing.

Especially when it came to Dick. 

But Jason supposed the same could be said for all of them in regard to the original Robin. Jason knew he was certainly guilty of putting his own issues before Dick unless it was life or death. Apparently, this situation was actually life or death at some point and no one besides Donna had known.

“Jason? Do you want to know what I know, or would you rather try and get it out of him?”

“Tell me.” He heard Donna sigh on the other end before she told him the story that she had managed to piece together from Dick when he called her the night he had contemplated killing himself. She told him about Blockbuster, confirming what Jason had always assumed. That Nightwing would never have killed the villain and that Tarantula had been the one to pull the trigger. Jason would have to tell Dick that coming from an actual killer, what he had done didn’t count. 

He kept quiet as she told Jason about the panic attack that Dick had succumbed to after the shooting and how he had disassociated, or so she claimed because Dick had just said he just remembered the world going foggy. She told him how he had gone up to the roof to try and get fresh air, to try and break out of the attack, but that Catalina had followed him. How the woman had pushed him down onto the ground and taken advantage of his state.

“He swore to me he said no,” Donna’s voice was soft, broken. Jason closed his eyes at the sound of it. “He begged me to believe him that he had said no and that he hadn’t wanted her to do that to him. That he hadn’t wanted her to isolate him and essentially turn him into a textbook victim.” She paused and Jason took the moment to try and control the Pit that was beginning whisper in the back of his mind. There was no point in listening. Catalina was in Blackgate and Blockbuster was dead. “Dick has been a victim to other people’s desires far too many times in his life, Jason. And the times when he tried to ask for help, for comfort, he was made to believe it was his fault or that he had wanted it. Many people have failed him in his life.”

“I know.”

“Don’t be one of them, Jason Todd. Do not break him in the same way the rest have. If you need help to understand that, call Roy. Call Roy and ask him to tell you what happened after Mirage revealed what she had done to him.” He didn’t like the sound of that. He didn’t like the fact that it made him question whether or not he was going to want to punch his best friend. “If he brought this up to you, then he trusts you. Because even if he didn’t tell you himself, he knows you Bats well enough to know you wouldn’t just let it go.”

Jason snorted. That was accurate. “I’m the last person in this family who would turn this against him. Well, maybe second to last. The gremlin might have the corner market on protecting Dickiebird’s emotional and physical state.”

“That kid knows how to appreciate what he has been given.” Not how Jason would have phrased it, but he supposed it got the point across just the same. 

“Hey Donna?” The woman hummed on the other end of the line and Jason steeled himself for what he was about to ask. “Did you and Dick ever…?”

He had been expecting anger or denial, but the laughter he got instead was surprising. 

“You are joking, right?”

“Uhhhh…no?” The tinkling of her laughter sounded again and Jason was glad they were on the phone. There was no way his face wasn’t bright red at the moment.

“Oh Jason,” Donna sighed, still chuckling. “You are very obvious in your affections toward Dick, but I am not on the list of exes.”

“Oh good,” he breathed. How could he compete with someone like Donna Troy? Not that he even thought he was in the running, but there were moments. He and Dick had definitely shared some moments over the past year or so. “Wait, what do you mean _obvious_?!” 

Donna only laughed again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

His head hurt. Kori hadn’t mentioned that would be a side effect, but maybe it was a sign. Maybe it wasn’t. He couldn’t be certain until he opened his eyes, but he was nervous. More than he thought he would be. Not because if this failed it meant he would forever be blind, but because if it worked then all of the things he had mentioned to Jason would have be explained while he could see the other man’s expressions.

And he wasn’t sure he wanted to see what Jason thought of him after he knew the truth.

“Richard?” Damian’s voice was soft, and Dick wondered how long he had been sitting in his older brother’s room waiting for him to wake up.

But his presence meant he couldn’t put this off. He couldn’t not open his eyes.

So, he blinked slowly, carefully.

And he frowned.

Because there was nothing.

So, he blinked a few more times and rubbed at his eyes. 

“Oh! Sorry, Richard. The lights are off. We’re just so used to you wanting the room dark.” He could hear Damian quickly move to flick the bedside lamp on and there it was. Just the slightest change to the black emptiness he had been getting used to. Instead of all dark, there were some rings of light.

“It worked,” he whispered and a few seconds later he had an armful of Damian. And though Dick wanted to close his eyes and savor the hug, he was too thrilled to see the shadows dancing around his vision. “I can’t believe it worked.”

“We have to tell Father! I’ll go get the others,” Damian gave him another squeeze and then released Dick before his shadowy form ran out of the room. “Father! Pennyworth!”

Laughing softly, Dick pushed himself upright and looked down at his hands. He could just barely make out their shape. It was almost like watching static on an old tv set. You knew there was something on the screen, but it was too hard to make it out completely.

“It worked?” Jason’s voice filled the room and Dick looked up to see his outline in the doorway. “You’re looking right at me. Fuck, Dick!” And for the second time in a matter of minutes, Dick was enclosed in another hug.

Dick tightened his arms as much as he could around Jason’s broad back. “Thank you,” he whispered, not being specific as to what he was saying thank you for, but know it’d be enough for Jason to figure it out. Because he would never be able to say exactly what he was thankful, not without carving out a decent amount of time to do so. And with Bruce rushing into the room, Alfred and Damian on his heels, he definitely didn’t have the time.

Jason only tightened his arms around Dick in response.

“Damian said it worked,” Bruce rounded the bed as Jason released him and stepped back. Dick tried not to think about the wetness he could feel on his shoulder and knew he’d be able to see it in Jason’s eyes if his vision were clearer.

Dick nodded in response to Bruce’s question. “It’s not back completely, but it’s like static on an old TV. I can see outlines of images, but not the full picture just yet.” And looking at Bruce, he could tell his eyesight was already getting better. Each passing moment was just a touch less fuzzy. Bruce dropped onto the edge of the bed and Dick knew he was feeling the same relief as everyone else in the room. “Thank you,” Dick said. “Thank you for not giving up, even though I practically begged you to.”

And though Dick knew he wouldn’t get a verbal response, he was surprised when Bruce’s hand reached over and gave his upper arm a squeeze. It spoke just as loudly as actual words would have, coming from Bruce.

“We should call the remainder of the family and share the good news,” Alfred broke in and drew all of their attention. “Master Bruce will you phone Master Timothy? Master Jason, I believe the others are all at Miss Stephanie’s home.”

“Sure, Alf,” Jason grunted before Dick saw the movement out of the corner of his eye. He figured it was Jason pulling his phone out to dial Cass, Duke, or Steph’s numbers to let them know. The shadowy figure cut across the room and Dick could hear the faint ringing of the phone as he left the room.

“Master Damian, would you assist me in getting the remainder of breakfast prepared?” Dick heard Damian’s agreement before another two shadows left the room, leaving him with just Bruce.

The silence between them was awkward and heavy, but Dick wasn’t sure how to approach it. Alfred’s removal of Jason and Damian couldn’t have been more obvious and that usually meant he had told Bruce to talk to Dick about something. Usually something he didn’t want to or feel comfortable talking about.

“So….” Dick started, looking at the shadow that was Bruce, who was still sitting on his bed.

“Yes, Alfred could have been a bit more subtle,” Bruce muttered, and Dick laughed. For the first time in what felt like months, he laughed hard. The silence from Bruce felt charged, like he was surprised by the reaction.

“When it comes to you, B, Alfred is never subtle.”

Bruce let out a grunt and Dick chuckled some more. “Yes, well,” he conceded. “He impressed upon me that perhaps I should address the reason why you did not come to the Manor sooner. That perhaps there were some things between us that needed to be…reconciled.”

“What things?” Dick asked, wary now.

“I do not want you to think I feel like I need to control your life.” Dick’s eyebrows furrowed and he tried to figure out what Bruce was getting at. “Alfred thinks that you got Jason on your side, agreeing to stay with you, because I can be…”

“Controlling?”

“Hmm, yes. I suppose that was the point he was trying to get across,” Bruce muttered.

Dick sighed and leaned further into his pillows. “He’s not wrong, but that’s not what happened here. And it was Jason’s idea for him to stay with me. I didn’t want to come to the Manor because I didn’t want everyone to watch my descent. But I hadn’t thought there was another option. Jason came up with the plan to have him move in with me for the time being.”

“Well that is,” Bruce cleared his throat. “That is good to know. I don’t think Alfred has ever been wrong on this sort of thing.”

“He wasn’t wrong, B. You _are_ a controlling asshole, but that’s not why I didn’t come here.” But it wasn’t like the entire family didn’t already know how controlling Bruce could be. They had all come to accept it and deal with it in their own ways. Dick’s way had always been to buck against the authority, of course. “You better call Timmy before someone else does and he gets pissed he was left out of the loop.”

“Right.” He watched Bruce’s shadow stand and straighten himself out. “I am glad this worked, Dick. I may have a hard time showing it, but you are important to me and I do care.” Dick wasn’t sure how to respond, so he simply dropped his gaze and nodded. It wasn’t much, but it was as close to appreciation as Bruce ever got. So he’d take it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jason found Dick leaning with his hip against the kitchen counter by his electric tea kettle, eyes trained on the wall of windows at the far end of the room with his arms folded over his chest. He was so lost in thought that he hadn’t even heard Jason come into the apartment. But he had been doing that a lot ever since he had gotten his vision back. Jason had wanted to ask why, since it didn’t seem like he was paying attention to what he was looking at. It was more like he was using his vision being back as an excuse to get stuck in his head. And Jason knew that could be a dangerous practice in their profession.

“Got enough for two?” Jason decided to call out, hoping not to startle the other man. It took a few seconds but then Dick blinked out of his trance and looked over at Jason, mild surprise written on his face.

“What are you doing here?”

Jason watched him for a moment before he shrugged. “All my stuff is still here so…” He watched Dick nod and turn back to the cabinet, grabbing another cup and tea strainer, prepping the second cup for Jason. “I can be gone tomorrow. Just gotta sort out a safe house first.”

“You don’t have to go,” Dick said, glancing over his shoulder as Jason moved closer and dropped onto one of the chairs at the island. “I liked it, circumstances withstanding, having you around. So, don’t feel like you have to go just because I can do things for myself again.”

Jason considered him as he spoke, paying close attention to what Dick _wasn’t_ saying. The family liked to believe that Dick was fine, that he had bounced back from this like he did with everything. But Jason wasn’t fooled. No one bounced back from that shell of a person the older had become. No one. But especially not someone who hadn’t dealt with _any_ of their trauma. And from what their friends had relayed, Dick had never done that. But in this moment, it seemed like he was being honest and admitting he was lonely before, without actually saying it out loud. Maybe. 

“Cream or sugar?” Jason sniffed the air and rolled his eyes.

“No, you heathen. It’s fucking chai.” Dick just laughed and handed over the cup with the loose leaf tea strainer still in the cup so Jason could decide the strength he wanted it at. It was a familiar act between the two of them from years spent in each other’s company. It was comfortable and second nature. As was the silence that settled between them. A silence that Jason knew he was about to shatter. 

But Dick beat him to it.

“Roy called me today,” he said quietly, and Jason watched him as he stared out the damn windows again. Jason could only guess what it was Roy had called him about considering that the two of them had talked about Dick just that morning over breakfast. His best friend had put in place the final pieces that Jason had been missing and though he was still pissed as hell at the man, he was thankful to have the whole picture.

Shifting, “Are you mad?” He had wondered if the older man would be pissed that Jason had invaded his privacy like that or if he wouldn’t care because now he wouldn’t have to tell Jason himself.

“I’m not happy, but no. I’m not mad.”

“Why not?”

Dick turned his body so his back was leaning against the counter and he could look directly at Jason with those sad sapphire eyes. “You were trained by the world’s best detective. I would be concerned if you didn’t do some digging after what I said that night.” He cradled the cup of tea between his two hands and held it close to his chest, almost like he was trying to warm himself from the chill that had settled in the city over the past few months. “I don’t like that you know, but I knew you would either find out from them or find out from me. It was too late to stop you from tugging on that thread.”

“So, what now?” Dick shrugged and Jason watched him look down at the contents of his cup. “Can I ask you a few things?”

“Can I say I might not answer?”

“You don’t have to tell me shit, Dick. If you tell me to shut the fuck up and never bring it up again, I’ll do it. This isn’t my past that is being discussed. You don’t owe me anything.” Dick scoffed at that and Jason felt a little offended. “What?”

“ _I don’t owe you anything?_ ” Jason just looked at him, confused. “Jason. Who the hell has been in this apartment with me the past couple of months while I slowly went blind? Who never gave up on me even when I begged them to? Who cared enough to not just take my words at face value? Do you have any idea how many times I’ve hinted at…at those things to Bruce? How many times he couldn’t be bothered to hear me when I said I was hurting? How many times he assumed when I said I was _tired_ that I just needed more sleep?”

And that was one of the core issues Jason would forever have with Bruce and Batman. The mission was his main focus, everything else was secondary. He was Batman first and Bruce Wayne second. And most of the time, he expected Dick to be the person to care for the family’s emotional needs. For years Jason had been watching Dick go to parent/teacher conferences for Damian, checking up on Tim to make sure he ate and slept, dropping in at the Clocktower to be sure Cassandra had everything she needed. Dick took Duke to see his parents at the hospital they were checked into every week. He trained with Stephanie and they cracked terrible jokes together. And Dick showed up at whatever safehouse Jason was currently inhabiting to just show that Jason didn’t have to go it alone, that all he had to do was ask for help and he would be there.

But did anyone do that for Dick?

“I can see the wheels turning in your head, Jay,” Dick interrupted his thoughts, drawing his gaze from the cup in front of him to the man in question. Jason knew he was waiting for Jason to ask his questions or say what was on his mind, but now he couldn’t get over the fact that this man had been expected to be strong for everyone else in the family but no one ever returned the favor.

“I don’t know where to start anymore,” Jason admitted. And he really didn’t. Did he ask about Mirage or Catalina? Or did he skip that since he knew most of the details and went right to the issue he had just been presented with? 

Dick just shrugged, “Start where you were going to. Not like any of it is going anywhere.”

“No, but you might.”

“I promise I’ll answer what I can. You just…just remember that I haven’t talked to anyone about most of this,” Dick told him. Jason nodded. He had gathered that much from what the others had told him. From what Donna had told him, she seemed to be the only person who knew as much as Jason now knew. 

Taking a deep breath, Jason looked down at the tea in his hands. “How many times have you been raped?”

“Don’t use that word.” Jason looked up and frowned.

“That’s what it is, Dick.”

“I know, but…just don’t. Not _that_ word.”

“But do you really know? Because I spoke to Kori, Donna, and Roy. And they all said the same thing. They all said you don’t actually believe it was rape,” Jason spat out, angrier than he had meant to sound. But fuck that, okay? He was pissed. He was pissed at Mirage and Catalina for doing this to Dick. He was pissed at Kori and probably Barbara for blaming Dick for what happened. He was pissed at Roy and the other Titans for treating him like he deserved it. And he was pissed at Dick for not being able to see how much of a victim he was in this moment. “You were raped. At least twice as far as the rest of us know. And yet you’re standing there thinking it wasn’t actually rape. Aren’t you?”

“ _Jesus_ , Jay,” Dick turned and put his mug down on the counter with a hard thunk. “What the hell do you want me to say? Do you want to tell you how much it sucked to find out that I had been trick by Mirage and that everyone thought I should have known it wasn’t Kori? That my sixteen-year-old hormones should have some how known that she wasn’t the girl I was in love with? Do you want to hear about how hard it was to be asked who was better? Or be called a slut? I don’t even know how many times I’ve heard that term thrown at me over the years.”

Jason watched him lean on the counter with both hands pressed down onto the surface, his shoulders hunched and head hanging low. He could see the measured breaths the older man was taking, the control he was trying to get back.

“Catalina…she…and Blockbuster,” the words were muttered and jumbled, making it hard for Jason to grasp exactly what he was saying. But he knew the gist of it since he had spoken to Donna. Getting to his feet, Jason moved over to stand next to Dick. “One person, Jay. All I had wanted was one person to see me drowning and help me. But they all assumed what Babs had, and left me to go under. My world had collapsed in on me and everyone expected me to be okay.”

Placing a hand on Dick’s back, he tried not to react when the other man flinched and turned his head away. “I can’t take back what everyone did. I can’t make right what was wrong,” he spoke softly, trying not to jar the other man. “You always put on a strong front. You always act like nothing touches you. But you need to stop. You need to let someone in. Even Donna doesn’t know the depth of all of it, does she?” Dick shook his head and Jason could feel the shuddering in his breathing. “Dick, I saw it before Kori’s tonic. I saw the signs. What would you have done if we couldn’t find a cure?”

There was silence between them for a few moments before Dick turned tear-filled eyes toward him. And that was all Jason needed to see. It confirmed the suspicions he had. He hadn’t thought suicide was the endgame when he had noticed the depression at the Manor, but after what Donna had told him he had begun to notice the signs when he looked back at the recent days.

“I don’t want to die,” Dick whispered. “I’m not suicidal. I wasn’t then, either. With Donna.” Jason narrowed his eyes and wondered if he should believe him. “I’m not. I wasn’t. Back then, I couldn’t help but wonder if it would even matter to anyone. If they would even notice.”

“Fuck Dick, of course they would have!”

“Would they? Everyone had so much going on; I think it would have been at least a few weeks before someone noticed.” The thought gripped Jason heart tightly. He hadn’t been good with the family back then. In fact, he would have been the exact reason Bruce would have been distracted enough to not notice something was wrong. He probably would have been the reason for most of the family to not notice. “I think about that fact a lot, actually. Sometimes the answer is they would definitely notice, but most of the time…”

Dick turned his head away and heaved a heavy breath before he straightened, and Jason let his hand fall away.

“I would notice.” The words slipped out before he could stop them, but he didn’t regret them when Dick turned his sapphire eyes back on him. Not when that wall he always had up had fallen away and Jason could actually see the real Dick. “Damian would notice.”

“That’s a low blow.”

“I don’t mean it to be,” Jason admitted. He hadn’t meant it to sting, it was just a fact. “Just…you think you could drop away and no one would be affected by your absence. But we would be. We’d all be.” Jason watched Dick closely, watched him digest the words before the older man was nodding. “I know we’re past the issues we built with the Spyral incident, but we all felt that pain Dick. We all noticed that you were gone. And when Damian came back only to find out you were dead?”

“I know, okay? I get it.” Dick cut the conversation and sent Jason a look. One that begged him to stop. “I’m not going to, Jay. I’m not selfish enough for that.”

“But you still think about it?”

“Only when things get particularly bad.”

Jason considered him for a moment before reaching out and grabbing hold of Dick’s hand, squeezing it. “Call me when that happens. You don’t have to go it alone all the time. I know there are things you don’t want anyone to know and I won’t question it, but having someone to be there will help. Like with Donna?” Dick left out a huff of air that was a bit like a huff of laughter but still too emotionally charged. “You won’t be any less Golden in any of our eyes if you show weakness.”

“Maybe not yours,” Dick frowned. And despite him not having said it, Jason knew exactly who Dick was referring to.

“Fuck Bruce,” he said passionately. And when Dick opened his mouth to protest, Jason gripped both of his upper arms and got in his face. “No, _fuck Bruce_ , okay? He expects the world from you, and you try to give it to him every single time. He has done nothing to deserve this unfailing loyalty you have given him all these years. You have been strapped to a literal bomb, ready to die. You had your identity exposed and life torn away. You _actually_ died and he used his fists to get you to go along with his fucking ridiculous plan. How many times has something like that happened, Dick? How many times have you been the receiving end of his inadequacies? How often have you given everything only to be left in the rain?” Jason wasn’t sure he wanted the answer to those questions. He didn’t want to know how many times Dick had been betrayed by the man who was supposed to be his father figure.

“Jay…”

“I’m not expecting it to change, okay? I’m not expecting you to suddenly see the abusive foundation the two of you have built for your relationship. But,” he raised a brow and made sure Dick was paying attention, “it doesn’t have to be that way between us. You don’t have to put on that act for me. Okay?”

Dick’s gaze shifted slightly to the side and Jason knew he was considering the offer, so he remained silent, but he didn’t release the other man and he didn’t put any more space between them.

“Okay,” Dick finally whispered, looking back to Jason. “Okay.” And though Jason would have loved to just see the walls Dick had built up fall away in that moment, he wasn’t stupid. He knew it would take the other man a bit longer to really let go of all that armor.

He was surprised, however, when Dick slumped forward into him. His arms automatically wrapped around Dick, holding him close, enjoying the feeling of the other’s weight pressed against him. Hesitantly, Dick wrapped his arms loosely around Jason’s waist and Jason only responded with pulling the other man more firmly to him. 

_You are in love with him_. Kori’s words echoed in his mind and danced on his tongue, begging to be spoken. But despite the progress he had managed to make in this moment, he wasn’t entirely sure how that particular sentiment would be received. Not when so much had been unraveled today. 

He could be content with this. Forever if he had to.


End file.
